Your Five Worst Roommates

October 7th, 2011 by Caitlin Morgan| Posted in Apartment Living, College Housing, Roommates | 2 Comments »

If you’ve started college, you’ve already met your new roommate.  Great!  You’re slowly but surely starting to learn how to deal with one kind of crazy.  We hate to break it to you, but it’s not over yet.  You can request a switch, you can wait til next year, but as long as you have a roommate, there is a good chance he or she will fall into one of the following, bewildering, horrifying types.  (Older readers, read on.  We bet you’ll recognize some of the following from your own youthful exploits.)

1.   The Height of Perfection

Her hair is never frizzy.  Her side of the room is impeccably clean.  She manages to study for eight hours a day and also keep herself perfectly tan and toned.  She appears to wear pearls even in her sleep—not that you’ve ever seen her sleep, or seen her tired, either, for that matter.  But has she ever cheered you up with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s after Steve from down the hall stopped wanting to “study” together?   In fact, has she even been paying attention to all the things you’ve said about Steve?  Moreover, will she finally snap after you left your laundry out for the twentieth time, standing over you with those super sharp pencils while you snore through another biology lab??

2.  The Invisible Woman

You think you remember what she looks like.  You’ve heard her come home at three in the morning, but she never turns on the light.  Sometimes, she’ll leave a friendly note wishing you luck on your midterm, which is disturbing in itself—how does she know you have a midterm?   The only reason you know her first name is because a surprising number of people have knocked on your door looking for someone named “Kelly.”  It’s creepy sometimes to live alone…if you can be certain you are alone…

3.   The Vampire

It’s unclear how this one got into college in the first place, considering how much time she must spend buying black clothing and applying multiple layers of eyeliner.  Given her nocturnal habits and apparent fear of sunlight, when does she go to class?  Or eat?  Sure, you’ve seen your fair share of Twilight, but this roommate does not sparkle under any circumstances, and is sadly much less appetizing than Edward Cullen.  You just hope she doesn’t run out of victims and come home hungry.

4.  The Intercourse Addict

We don’t want to get into specifics.  Suffice to say she gives new meaning to the term “sexiled.”  It’s a good thing you make friends easily, given that you never spend the night in your own bed, or even wear your own clothes.  Our suggestion:  air out your room whenever possible.

5.  The Ticking Time Bomb

You might not know yet that you’ve got one of these on your hands.  Watch out.  This one will wine and dine you all through the first month of school, only to become increasingly moody while responding to inquiries by snapping “I’m FINE.”  She might lapse into silences for days, only to greet you cheerfully after you return from a weekend at home.  Do not be fooled!  Eventually, this one is going to explode, so get ready for a laundry list of all your worst faults you checked to make sure didn’t bother her.

Got another worst roommate type?   Telllllll us about it….here or on our Facebook page!