Lindsay Lohan: “My New Place is a Rehab Facility!” What Do Celebrity Rehab Apartments Look Like?

September 29th, 2010 by Snow Conant| Posted in Celebrity Apartments, Weekly News Update | No Comments »

To say “Lindsay Lohan has had a rough summer” is probably the understatement of the decade. For while it is probably impossible to speculate what precisely is going on in the addled mind of the addict, it looks to the casual observer like her recent admission into a southern California rehab facility is either a sincere attempt to …avoid jail…or to try to overcome her demons. Whatever the motive, I sincerely applaud the effort to try and get her act together. Hopefully the 5th time’s the charm!

Moving on.

Radar.com has confirmed exclusively that after spending a meager few hours in the clink for violating her parole, Lohan is headed to a rehab facility in Orange County to await her October 22nd trial for a 2007 DUI charge. This new piece of information brings up lots of interesting questions, particularly for those of us interested in real estate and apartment facilities. Where is she going? What will her quarters look like? Is the celebrity ‘drunk tank’ just as spectacular as the celebrity ‘everything else’??!

Due to our various sources (Google) we know that one of Lohan’s 5 (count ‘em, FIVE) rehab stints was at Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach, CA.  According to their website, “The living environments are spacious and comfortable offering satellite television and high-speed internet access. As an extended care facility, Newport Beach is a premiere location for individuals continuing in the recovery process to …  enjoy the experiences Newport Beach has to offer.” The facility was apparently so eager to have Lohan as a patient (guest?) that they gut-rehabbed an entire apartment for her! I’m not sure she’s doing their programs any credit but she sure did put their name on the map.

Let’s take a look at some of their facilities, along with those of their direct competitors. In my opinion, many of these places look just like fancy resorts…minus the poolside cocktails, of course.

Morningside Recovery

Here’s the beach outside the recovery facilities…not too shabby, but there is a distinct lack of …private pool and spa.

Hmmm… the front exterior looks unassuming enough, especially minus the swarming crowd of paparazzi!

This bedroom looks pretty run-of-the-mill (though notice the bunks are full-size, not twin). While we have it on good authority that she got her own room and bathroom, it looks as if this facility doesn’t go out of its way to be fancy. Maybe that’s a good thing – focus on the treatment! Also, that carpet is hideous.

We have no idea if Lohan has gone back to Morningside Discovery or if she’s gone elsewhere, but here are a few options for the slightly more discriminating celebrity addict.

How about Seasons Recovery Centers?

As per their website, Seasons is “furnished by a top interior designer, every room at Seasons is a model of class and distinction unmatched by any other treatment center. Gourmet cuisine is prepared daily, using only the freshest and most nutritious foods available. Seasons Recovery Centers welcomes all diets.” This is sounding pretty sweet! Maybe you could relieve some of the agony of detox with the following interiors:

This looks more like a Mediterranean get away than a waiting room…

What could be more soothing than a hand-hewn canoe full of plants?

Wake up every morning to a stream of bright sunlight, and let’s not forget…

The ocean!

Or the pool. Either way.

Or, if Seasons just isn’t fancy enough,  how about Renaissance Malibu Luxury Treatment Center?

Home to both the Main Villa and the Murphy Way Villa, Renaissance Malibu describes itself as “situated just off of Pacific Coast Highway, our extended care residence boasts magnificent panoramic views of the Pacific Ocean. This 6000 sq. ft home offers a swimming pool and jacuzzi with ocean views, a tennis court, a basketball court, and its own gourmet kitchen.” Sounds INCREDIBLE! (Plus, Daniel Baldwin is the spokesman).

Let’s take a closer look…

Well, at least the view looks good…*

Look at that freaking balcony! And I could totally deal with that kitchen.*

Maybe I can’t have a stiff drink, but I sure could invite the Queen over for tea!*

Wow. Just, WOW.*

And a game room – to cap it all off!*

And so ends our review of celebrity rehab facilities.When I looked at the first one, my initial thought was, “hmmm…pretty nice…” but as I went along my mind started to change. More! Bigger! Better! I guarantee you these super fancy rehab facilities are charging an arm and a leg…and probably at least one kidney. Which begs the question: is recovery from a serious addiction easier with more distractions around? Or are bare bones better so you can focus on healing? I can tell you right now which of these facilities I’d like to live in, but recover in? Not sure. Because, while this post was written tongue-in-cheek, addiction is a very serious issue and I sincerely applaud anybody who is on the path to recovery – wherever it may be. Yes, Miss Lohan, even you.

* All images courtesy of Renaissance Malibu Research Facility Website.