Washington, D.C. Winter Freak Out

February 11th, 2010 by Matt DiChiara| Posted in Apartment Life 2.0 | 1 Comment »

Last week, I was prevented from visiting Washington, DC because a very large deluge of snow was going to get there before my airplane. That initial snowstorm was followed in short order by another foot of snow (relatively small compared to Saturday’s storm, but relatively huge compared to that region’s typical winter accumulation).

Since last Saturday, the Greater Washington area has been Ted Williamsed. Hopefully, when human technology evolves, we’ll be able melt the city and will once more have a functioning Federal Government.

After hearing some dramatic accounts of the state of affairs in our nation’s capital, we asked some apartment dwellers in the Great DC area how they were coping with the extreme weather. What we wanted to know, basically, was whether the weather was a welcome holiday or a serious and dangerous inconvenience.

For the most part, responses were like a famous Mitch Hedberg joke. Slightly modified for TV and this situation, it goes “[Snowstorms] are like pancakes, all exciting at first, but by the [fifth day] you’re pretty sick of them.”

(Photo by A Natural Sound)

The exuberance of the above picture had turned to delirium and desperation for most Washington, D.C apartment residents by Wednesday morning:

In response to normal questions about whether the metro was running, if places of business such as grocery stores, restaurants and bars were open I received the following replies, which resemble the transcriptions of a distress communiqué sent via Morse code.

From Columbia Heights, DC:

“D***: I don’t know, haven’t left the house today, that’d be silly; I don’t think cash is useful tender anymore, though, you have to trade shovels for foodstuffs. DC has slipped into a time ceasing Murakami otherworld of unknown climatology. All watches and time keeping devices have stopped functioning; no one knows what day it is.”

“M**: We found ‘ham flavored black-eyed peas’ in our kitchen.  We are subsisting on those and carrot juice of unknown origin and expiration date.  And Google buzz.”

From Silver Springs, MD:

“C***: Beer is like the only thing you can buy at the store, man!”

From Capitol Hill, DC:

“T**: I just walked home from the Trey Anastasio show at the 930 Club. It was brutal. Winds gusting up to 50 mph, my hood froze, my tennis shoes took in snow, my face froze and my pants were soaked. I almost gave up and accepted my fate of dying in a snow drift, when I saw a couple people with bags of groceries, so I think the Food Giant is open.”

From Adams Morgan, DC:

“L*****: I watched “Under the Tuscan Sun,” and then made spinach lasagna, chicken and stuffing, croccoli casserole and portabella roll ups. I have a chocolate cake in the oven and I’m about the make peanut butter Reese’s cookies.”

From Arlington, VA:

C******: I’ve been wandering aimlessly around the house, intermittently checking my e-mail, engaging in pointless political banter with aging frat boys via Facebook, examining the ever-worsening leak in my bathroom skylight and contemplating whether the local dive bar will be open tonight.”

From Dupont Circle, DC:

B*****: I’m watching the third season of Deadwood and I’m almost caught up with my [gossip] magazine reading; for those of you in the know, that second part is a BFD.”

D*****: “I’m stranded in Beirut.”

Forecast for San Francisco, CA: sunny, light and breezy.

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